


I Don’t Know Why

by glassandroses



Series: A Court of Thorns and Roses Oneshots [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Domestic Disputes, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, Song: I Don’t Know Why (Star)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23383477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassandroses/pseuds/glassandroses
Summary: Nesta and Cassian may always drift away, but they always find each other again.
Relationships: Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Series: A Court of Thorns and Roses Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681879
Kudos: 22





	I Don’t Know Why

**It's three o'clock in the morning, I figured this call might wake you up but I can't wait till the morning. I'm on my fifth round and I don't care, I'm turnt up. So, wake up. Oh you, oh you've got to hear me babe. You need to feel me, babe.**

Cassian threw his head back as he guzzled down his fifth whiskey of the night, the drink burning his throat as he swallowed. No matter how much he drank, the pain and the pounding in his head never went away, never stopped. He slammed the glass down on the hardwood counter, making the young faerie boy behind the counter jump. Cassian folded his hands and rested his head against them. "What time is it?"

The faerie boy jumped again, not expecting the man to speak to him. "Th-Three in the morning, sir."

Cassian let out an aggravated sigh. He had been at Rita's for five hours now. He tried to see if Nesta was okay through the mating bond, but all he could feel was nothingness. Nesta, my love, please... She had locked him out, and she had every right to. "One more, please." He said just a little above a whisper.

The boy looked at him wearily and hesitantly set another glass of whiskey before Cassian. "Uh, sir..."

"If you're going to cut me off, just tell me now so I can get the hell out of here." Cassian grumbled and bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from shouting another regrettable offense.  
The boy gulped and looked down at his shoes. "Last one." He then scurried of to one of the other late-night drunks in the bar. Now he was truly alone, and it didn't feel very good at all.

**I'm so tired, too tired. All the things you do, I don't know why. I ain't never been tricked like this, but I ain't never been kissed like this except by you, by you. I ain't never been loved like this except by you. I ain't never been touched, I ain't never gave a fuck like this.**

Nesta sunk deeper into the bathtub as she replayed the argument between her and her mate in her head. The horrid things that they had shouted at each other in their parlor, all things she regretted saying. Along with that, she replayed the memory of when she felt the mating bond snap into place, their first kiss, the first time he told her he loved her.

She felt a tugging through the bond, as if he were trying to get her attention, to get into her head. She wanted to let him in, to let him come back to her, to pretend it all didn't happen, but she couldn't. She had to be strong, despite that tempting pull.

_Nesta..._

She pulled up her mental shield and completely blocked him out, and with that her head started pounding. Nesta didn't know how much more she could take tonight. Nesta closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry over a man who meant nothing to her, as she meant nothing to him. At least, that was one of the many things they had shouted at each other that night. Tears slipped down Nesta's cheeks.

 _Of course I love him. I love him for his cockiness, his passion, his loyalty, his sweetness. I love him for the better person he helped me become. He could be an annoying brute at times, but I would never say that to his face. I love him. I love him, damn it, and now he's gone._ Nesta thought as her tears mixed with the bathwater. _I need him. Even if he doesn't need me. I need him._

Nesta made her choice, and stepped out of the bathtub.

**Don't know why I keep on crushin' on you babe. Save my lovin' for you babe. Keep on seeing you, needing you like I do. 'Cause no one makes me this way, no one gets me this turned on, but no one gets me this sad.**

Cassian drank as slowly as possible. Not because he wanted it to last longer, but because he was afraid of facing Nesta. He was afraid that she would ignore him, and when he finally got her to look at him, to talk to her, she would speak with an underlying hint of poison in her words, she would look at him as if he was a monster.

Cassian closed his eyes and took a sip of his whiskey. He thought of her smile when he told her he loved her. He thought of her stunning eyes that he loved to get lost in, and the way they rolled when he said something cocky. He thought of her laugh. Her hair, her hands, her body, her soul.

Cauldron, he loved her.

If they hadn't been mates, he would have loved her just the same. He would risk everything he had to be with her. She didn't understand that he would die for her, and he lost her. It killed him inside to accept it, but he knew that he lost her. It would be an undeserved miracle if she came back.

And as if his own thoughts had manifested in themselves, he saw her cloaked figure through the window of the bar.

**Baby, I don't know why I keep on fallin' for you babe. Keep on callin' on you babe. Keep on seeing you, needing you like I do. 'Cause no one else has your touch, no one else has your problem, and no one else makes me feel loved like you.**

Nesta's shoes crunched in the snow with each step she took. It had snowed earlier in the day and it made the town look beautiful. She knew exactly where she would find him, Rita's. She remembered the day he had shown her around Velaris. He told her that Rita's was the best bar and restaurant in the city and the only place he would drink from.

She saw the sign glowing with vibrant colors as she approached the building. She pulled the hood of her cloak up over her head. She looked through the window and saw a clearly drunken Cassian sitting near a boy- the bartender, she presumed- who was wiping down the counter with a piece of cloth. As if he had sensed her, Cassian turned to face the window, and their eyes met.

Nesta stepped through the doorway into Rita's and walked over to him. The emotions showing on Cassian's face could all be narrowed down to shock. "Nesta," he breathed.

Nesta pulled herself up on the high bar chair beside her mate. She bit her lip to keep herself from tearing of at the sight of the drunk man she loved so much in front of her. "Cassian."  
"Wh-why d-did you c-come here?" He stuttered. He was drunk as hell but he didn't care. Nesta was here, his miracle happened.

"I don't know why," Nesta muttered. "I don't know why I came here, except for the fact that is I love you and I care about you and I hate to see you sitting here drinking your emotions away because of the things that I said tonight-"

"It's not what you said that has me sitting here, my love," Cassian replied, cutting her off from rambling, "I said things that I never wanted to say to you in a million years and I regret them, I will regret them to the end of my days. I need you, and I don't want the words I say to you be the cause of your departure."

"Cass," Nesta's breath was shaky and tears were falling down her face. "Please come home with me. I-I can't be alone, I can't be without you. I love you. I need you."

Cassian held her head in his hands and stared at her, waiting to see if she moved away from him. When she didn't, he kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and finally her lips. "I love you too."

"Then let's go home."

Cassian smiled at her as he set a few coins down on the countertop and he and his mate walked out of the bar. Their relationship was not perfect. It was quite fractured in a few places, but they were together. It was the best thing either of them could have wished for.


End file.
